Negative thoughts - II

I just wonder, at times, why are we unable to communicate. Why do we have to just that kind of hurtful tone to speak to each other? Why can’t we just talk things out? Why things have to take such a turn? I have lost my speech whenever I’m home (besides chatting with my princess) I hardly talk. Why? Cos I dun find the necessity to do so. Usually he just chats on the phone with his colleague whom he has spent so much time with. He even have been sending him home almost everyday and he is not even staying in our vancity. I know I do sound silly and sourish, even some can feel the jealousy but that’s how exactly I feel. I know it will be very stupid of me to project this cos he will never feel that there is anything wrong with it. At first I dun feel anything wrong as I do share my closest and darkest secrets with my dear (in the office) too. But we do give each other space and privacy. We, women do know when to stop, we dun just keep talking and chatting even when we are home, cos we know that spending time with our family is very important. I would suppose that he should know this but this is not happening at home. I did mentioned this causally to him and instead of getting the picture, he has been unhappy about me making such a remarks and even give me cold shoulder. So I’ve learnt my lesson, talk only necessary. But to my dismay it is also wrong, also kena say that I ignoring when mil talking to me. Sigh… why is it so difficult?
I dunno how long this will last, I really dunno…. I’m really tired….

Negative thoughts - Part I

Lots of things happened and dunno where to start not to mention what to blog... Is part of my life that I do not wish to be reminded when I’m old? I really dunno. Lately, I have been feeling weird for the longest time. Am I tired, pissed and taken for granted, I’m already not sure about my own feelings. Don’t even ask me what has happened cos I’m also unable to pin to the problem. All these could have been snow balled to a stage where I dun even know how to manage. The one good thing is that I had not lost my motivation in life but I just dun like the feeling that has been lingering around me. I really dunno what’s wrong! So many things that have happened at home, anything that has to do with $$, we had tried our best to minimize the whole problem. In fact, the big bulk of it has already been paid off now what’s left are the monthly installments that are serviced by herself. I know its not easy but guess that’s the best I can help with my limited means. I have been lucky to have the extra gains to pay all those and not to burden myself as I can’t foresee that I’ve have to take on such heavy burden. The main reason for taking that up was because of my parents especially my dad. Until to-date I still can’t forgot the scene and the look of his face, the sadness in his eyes and his tears! Although I know that I have to move on but when I guess I need lots of time. This is something that cannot be rush. This is just one of the problems. I know its hard to move on but one still have to learn. Kinship is something so close to our heart, family are the ones that will not let go of us. So one has to learn how to appreciate them and not to say things that they are the one that force us into a suitation or that mould us into who we are now. I also believe that if one puts in effort and concern, one can turn the suitation around and not just to put the blame on others.